Saturday, August 22, 2009

My Head Is Exploding or The Evil Book

There are those who maintain if you are a witch, wiccan, pagan, etc. you subscribe to The Book of the Dead and commune with Satan on a regular basis. And all of us witches, wiccans, pagans know that’s not true. (A) we usually don’t have the money to subscribe to anything and (B) we are just so not into Satan.

However, I have come across the true book of evil recently.


Looks innocent, doesn’t it? But open it and it will make your head explode. The first clue should be the author’s name is “Hacker”. Like with an axe, I’m sure.

It’s so seductive if you like books. It’s heavy and only 5X8 and about 2 inches thick. Fits neatly in your hand. Has these cute little tabs sticking out.


Even has it’s own little website……so you can worship at the altar of grammar!

Granted it’s been awhile since I studied grammar. Ok, thirty something years. I do know “Where’d ya git that there shirt at?” is not correct. But what the hell is “cumulative adjectives”?

So my head exploded this past week. No kidding, I’ve had a headache all week (no, it’s not the weather fronts sitting over us or Bill churning off our coast…cough, cough) I took it’s little exercises and English apparently is a second language for me.

I hated studying grammar when in school before. My fifth grade teacher made us conjugate verbs when we were bad and apparently we were very, very bad and she wasn’t even in a Catholic school. Conjugation came in handy in high school when I had two years of Latin and we…you guessed it….conjugated verbs, only in Latin.

I had Mrs. Simons for both freshman and senior Honor’s English. Mrs.. Brandenburg retired before I got there and I was lucky enough not to have Mrs. Sutton. I know Mrs. Sutton’s class was harder than my Honor’s English classes because she was the journalism sponsor and I was her teacher’s aide for a couple of years. But if you had Mrs. Simons you could mention Jabberwocky and she would be off and running. She recited it, complete with action movements, from memory and you could string it out the whole class. No sentence diagramming there!

I did test out of the prelim classes. I know what sounds and looks right (even though I might not practice it). In fact, I made 99% on both reading comprehension and writing. I only had to make an 81% to by-pass the intro class. Did I mention my head exploded?


Yep, my homework assignment today is to label eight little sentences as to whether they are simple, compound, complex or complex-compound. Just 8. Doesn’t sound like much does it?

Oops…there goes my head!


  1. You are so funny and wow yeah I remember sometimes in Catholic school when sister mary margaret would make my head explode LOL!!!!

  2. OMG this is freakin HILARIOUS.

    May I suggest Elements of Style by Strunk & White? As a former English major, I recommend this book for non-headache writing tips.

    Good luck, my friend!

  3. Egads! Is this a textbook? Tell me nooooo.

    I'm with Robin - you can't beat Elements of Style.

    And what's with Christian's thinking we believe in/worship their devil when we don't believe in/worship their god? {{shaking head in confusion}}


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