Sunday, February 08, 2015

Monster Under the Covers

Dear Monster Under The Covers:

It has been brought to my attention by Ma (as the one called Kayden-be-nice-to-the-kitty calls her) you have been neglecting your duties.  You are almost a year old now and need to grow up and (1) quit picking my sister and (2) GET A JOB!

As the head cat in the house, and that's what you are being the first cat, you have numerous duties to perform and need to stop playing around.  For example, in my house I am in charge of keeping the dogs in line and making sure they get their exercise.  In order to do this, I must hide and pounce on them, grabbing them by the head, tail or legs, as they walk by.  I also make sure that at least once a day I require one of them to lay down so I can use them for a bed.  This also works well for the big people in the house also.  Unfortunately, they sometimes protest loudly and hop around when pounced upon.  Just remember, it's their exercise time and no matter how much they complain, it must be done.

Speaking of beds, I am required to lay in the bed in such a manner that Ma, or any other big person in the house, are required to adjust their positions in order to also lay down.  This exercises not only their bodies, but their minds.

Another duty is window inspection.  You must go from window to window, making sure things are moving along outside.  On occasion, there are cords hanging from the window you are required to swat so they are picked up by Ma and placed where they are no longer hanging.  They do need help tidying up.

Another primary exercise job you are required to do is to run through the house at odd hours.  This causes the big people to get up to see what you are doing.  Remember, exercise, exercise, exercise.

One of the hardest jobs is to be sure the little person, Kayden-put-the-kitty-down, knows YOU are the most important one in the house.  This means you have to tolerate her picking you up by various body parts.  However, she does know kitty-kitty and not doggy-doggy.

And this business with 'toys'.  You are getting too old for toys.  You have several of those female types in your house and they all wear those things in their hair.  Therefore, you must learn to take those and hide them throughout the house, perhaps carrying them around and batting them around the kitchen floor.  Once again, exercising those people!  They will come running and searching for the hair things you carry off.

So, Monster, leave my sister alone and start working like the cat you are.  Now it's nap time.  I'm tired from all the work I do.

Sincerely,



Sherlock


1 comment:

  1. Sherlock, a letter is waiting on my *very own* blog post. http://monsterunderthecovers.blogspot.com/2015/02/a-response-to-sherlock.html

    signed, Monster

    ReplyDelete

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